There's a dramatic cultural shift happening in the USA. Powerful men are being exposed as predators by empowered women. It's a positive change that's been a long time coming, but when I mentioned it online recently, a commenter, a woman, said she couldn't believe “romance groups” were discussing the topic, since those books are partly to blame for the harassment being exposed. She added “50 Shades of Gray, anyone?”
Wrong on so many levels...
I typed about three furious responses in all caps, then deleted the entire conversation. I don't do negativity on my social media. I did think though, that my woman-tribe might want to discuss what's happening.
So let's address this. Is any book or genre or form of entertainment to blame for this?
Women, Know Fantasy from Reality
If you are a fan of the TV Show Dexter, then are you responsible for the existence of serial killers? Are the writers of the show, or the actors responsible for the actions of murderers? Because we view it, does that indicate that we might want to be serial killers in real life? Do we volunteer to be serial killers' victims by watching the show?
If you adored the TV show Charmed, did that mean you had to convert to Wicca?
If you enjoy watching Law and Order: SVU does that mean you're going to commit a sex crime, or would like to be a victim of one?
What we enjoy as entertainment has nothing to do with anyone else's behavior in real life.
And women who blame other women for the rapes and assaults committed on our sisters by men, are traitors to all women.
We get to watch, read, and enjoy anything we freaking want to. And no matter what it is, even if it's kinky porn all day long, that does not give any man the right to whip his dick out in our presence, or grab our ass when our back is turned, or discuss the sex acts he'd like to perform on us with our co-workers, or send us photos of his butt-ugly genitals on social media, or shove his tongue in our mouth.
No man does these things to us because of what we like to read. Or what we look like or what we wear, for that matter
He does it for power. He does it to feed his hungry ego.
Our Heroes Are Not Pigs
Romance novel heroes are men as men would be if women created them--because women have created them.
The entire point of the genre is that woman, by using the gifts of femaleness, intuition and healing and wisdom and insight, takes her heroine's journey, finds a man worthy of her, and compels him to lay his sword at her feet.
By the end of each novel, she is not only in full command of her own powers, but the powers of maleness are also hers to command, because he is her willing partner, her generous lover, her ardent admirer, her most devoted servant, and her biggest fan.
That's romance fiction. That's what we want in a man.
Not some perv whipping his junk out at our place of employment.
But I can see how some people might get those two things confused.
Our Heroes Are Not Fictional
We don't just make these wonderful men up. I know that because I'm married to one of them. And I know a lot of others like him. In fact, I believe most men would never even think about the kind of predatory behavior being exposed on a daily basis, committed by wealthy, famous men nationwide.
Men are wonderful, beautiful beings. They're strong and they're sweet and they're funny, and they're loyal and trustworthy and honorable and kind. I love the men in my family, the men in my life, and the boys and the men they'll grow up to be.
These men in the news, these predators, they're not real men. They're broken, and their behavior is their endless compulsion to try to make up for it with conquest, with feeding their ego to convince themselves of their worthiness. Their egos are so huge they require constant feeding. And those they have power over, are the sacrifices that provide the meat.
Don't Call it "Sexual" Harassment
I wish we'd quit calling it sexual harassment. There's nothing sexual about it. It's power-over behavior. It's predatory behavior. It's an ego trip. But it's not sexual any more than rape is sexual.
You know how a male dog shows dominance over another? They mount them, as if to breed. This is nothing more than primal animal dominance. These men have not yet evolved to know where their true power is, so they try to take power from everyone else. They steal it. They bully others into giving it to them. They require constant proof of submission, proof of their greatness. Their ego is like a hungry monster they have to keep feeding.
And by feeding it, they become the monster.
But let's call it what it is.
It's not sexual assault. It's assault.
It's not sexual harassment. It's harassment.
They're not sexual predators. They're predators.
Sex has nothing to do with this. Sex is good. Assault and harassment are not.
This is a Good Change!
Since we won the right to vote August 18th, 1920, we've been making steady progress, at a pace that has at felt almost glacial. I picture it like Earth's tectonic plates, moving in opposite directions, crushed against each other, pressing, pressing, pressing, until suddenly...
This is the earthquake. It's been a long time coming. This is sudden, violent movement, but it's forward movement. This isn't going to happen to our granddaughters. It's not going to happen to them because it happened to our grandmothers, and because it happened to our mothers, and because it happened to us. We'll tell them how that pressure grew through generations of womankind, until we just couldn't take any more of it. And we'll tell them how we had come into our power by then, because of all the hard work our mothers and grandmothers did before us. They paved the way, so we could go farther. We had money, we had businesses, we had educations, we had power. So we stood up. And we said "No More!" And we took back our power from the predators who'd stolen it. We took it back. And without it, they fell like the weak, disconnected beings they are.
I'm Proud to Be a Woman!
And I'm over the moon grateful to be living during this particular earthquake.
Enjoy this, my sisters. This is a victory, our victory.
Here's Some Girl Power For You!